Life-sized penis Howie Mandel, a judge on America’s Got Talent, was on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Both those guys suck yet it is Howie Mandel who is more worthy of opprobrium. For what has Howie Mandel ever done to justify his existence? Jay Leno, at least, collects cars. Howie Mandel is simply a professional soul-patched fedora-wearing mouth-breathing shrimp-eating germaphobic baby.

Howie Mandel was on air for approximately 6 minutes last night. Now there’s approximately 4 million viewers of The Tonight Show which means that’s 400,000 man hours wasted which, at $59 GDP (PPP) per hour worked, equals, $2,360,000. So Howie has to answer for that. 

The only possible counter argument here is that Howie Mandel was the voice of Gizmo.

Below, waste another $9.83 cents watching Mandel tap Jay Leno on his nose. It’s an alternative to his silly proclivity for first-bumping.