Simon Cowell’s ‘Idol’ Replacement: Lady Gaga, Noel Gallagher & Perez Hilton All Possible

Heartbreak make all of us dancers why don’t you? America is torn, what with Simon Cowell kicking this basset hound of a talent show out of his sprawling villa of an empire, instead taking in a more pedigreed pup like X Factor. X Factor, which overseas, has a pretty spotless track record when it comes to puking out fly-by-night pop stars like this broad, this broad, and a bloke who got to #1 by pretending to be Miley Cyrus. But with Cowell leaving such a large void in our hearts, who’s to fill in for him?

There are a lot of names being thrown about. Some sources have dropped Lady Gaga and Perez Hilton. Although Cowell himself mentioned the former only in a guest judge capacity and the latter because of his “good taste”. Which conflicts with another firm requirement he puts forward: “This person, specifically, has got to have a lot of experience in the music industry.” To his credit, Hilton did dupe a room full of suits into giving him his own record label imprint–as part of Warner Bros.

Also mentioned: The possibility of Howard Stern. Somehow Noel Gallagher has also ended up in the mix. Some are saying that Ellen, who’s already locked horns with Cowell, may just be pushed to becoming the new face of the singing competition.

But all this speculation is basically a long-winded and elaborate way of saying, “Why should the circus go on when the ringleader’s already set the tent on fire?” Because, America, it’s our job to pluck all the Adam Lamberts out there and push them to the forefront of national conversation. Showbiz depends on it.

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