Justin Timberlake Destroys Leonard Cohen & Other Hope For Haiti Now Highlights

Last night was a wonderful night across the world where if you had never experienced the miracles of getting a colonic, your television brought one to you! So to speak. Celebrities, actors, and other famous people who aren’t Heidi Montag, Taylor Momsen, or Lindsay Lohan all joined hands and sang a little prayer for the little country that loves its carbs in a big way. And unless you were “getting drunk for Haiti” or “going on blind dates for Haiti” or “eating lasagna for one for Haiti,” you probably remember every moment of this poignant television event like it happened yesterday (which it did!) But in case you fall in the 97% of people who had something else better “to do for Haiti,” a quick recap after the break.

(‘DiggThis’) • It should be noted that all of these performers really meant it when they sang “for Haiti”–as you can tell by their squinted eyes and scrunched mouths. That pairing is meant to emote “pity”, “sympathy” and “concern.”

• Here is Justin Timberlake and some other fellow taking a stab to the jugular of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” (better adaptations can be found performed by Rufus Wainwright and Alexandra Burke, albeit not “for Haiti”, so why bother!) But to offer an upbeat note: Hey! JT’s learned to tickle the ivories. Well done, former member of iconic boyband ‘N SYNC.

• But they weren’t the only ones doing a cover song. Shakira did a cover of The Pretenders’ “I’ll Stand By You.”

• Madonna meanwhile covered a song that an ancient incarnation of her performed. See Madonna? It wasn’t that difficult to be utterly wonderful, was it?

• Ah, but there’s Christina Aguilera coming up on her heels with this stunning performance of “Lift Me Up.”

• As predicted, not only did Beyoncé perform “Halo” at the telethon, and not only did she save it from sucking entirely, but she actually sang the line, “Haiti, we can see your halo.”

• Some performances were remarkable in how they court commentary as if this telethon were any old dinner party: “Oh hey Rihanna! I’m glad you decided to cover up,” and “Ugh, Bono, what are you doing here?”

• Other people who also did a thing “for Haiti” included Jennifer Hudson, Taylor Swift, and Coldplay, among others. Woefully missing in action? “Coco Jambo” hitmakers Mr. President.

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