Heidi Montag’s New Song ‘Superficial’ Supposed To Convince Us She’s Not

Oh, good. In order to win the race of who can deliver the first crumb of 2010’s Worst News Ever, Heidi Montag has alerted us to the fact that her album will be released in mid-January. And the next single (she had others? Oh those things! She’s calling that a musical “career”! Bless her trolly heart.) The new single is inspired by the haters. No, not hatters. Heidi Montag’s had a chat with MTV and made it clear that her new single is not inspired by men and women who make a variety of hats, from balmorals to bowler hats. But haters. Haters like me. And you. And any of the other nearly seven billion people around the world with ears.

In the news brief which reads more like press release copy than anything else, Montag reveals that her new single is called “Superficial” because we all think she’s, like, superficial, and nobody knows about all the philanthropy she does, her secret love for the works of Proust and how her new album, when played in reverse, boasts intentional cubist flourishes. She’s a complex one, that Heidi Montag. She elaborates about 2010’s greatest hit, “This song is about how everybody just calls me superficial and says that I’m a bitch and only about fashion and everything, and they don’t know.” Nonsense, Heidi! We never said you were “about fashion.” I mean, recall the spectacular failure of Heidiwood. She offers further meditation on this searing epic, “That’s what it’s about–[appearing] superficial and how everyone calls me that. So it’s like, ‘All right, you can call me that and I’ll claim it, but you don’t know me or anything about me. And you’ve only seen two minutes of me on The Hills for years’.” And we’ve seen too many minutes of you elsewhere. Montag has a few TV spots lined up in support of this mess. Including a possible go-round at the World Cup. Which should make all of us who forgot buy digital converter boxes this year sigh with relief.

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