Please, Please, Tell Me This List Of Metal Bands Banned From Catholic College Radio Is Real

I fear this list is too good to be true.

Reddit user rht_rv posted a list two days ago of ungodly and saucily-named bands which are banned from playing on air at the Catholic college radio where he works. The blog The Daily Swarm identifies the user as the host of a metal show at Seton Hall "Pirate Radio," 89.5 WSOU — which makes me want to know everything about  Catholic shool students who listen to metal, what "pirate radio" means when you’re actually not a pirate radio at all, and why metal bands all name themselves after their genitalia. 

I’m sorry, jerks, but you don’t get to call yourself a pirate radio — by definition, "an illegal or unregulated radio transmission" — when you have a list one mile long of bands and artists you are regulating. 

The list warns DJs (are they still called DJs?) that if they discuss Deep Fried Abortion, Pussy Overload, Cuntsaw, Shitscum, Anal Cunt, or any of these other band names which sound like they were taken directly from someone screaming inside a subway car, YOU WILL BE SUSPENDED. The instructions warn the bands cannot be played nor can the names of the bands cannot be discussed. 

Additionally, sensitive topics like "Devil, Satan, God, Jesus or any other Catholic references that are portrayed in a negative light" are not appropriate to be discussed on air.

But most menacingly, if you say — and presumably play — "Nickelback," "Justin Bieber," "Lady Gaga," or "Fall Out Boy," YOU WILL BE FIRED.  

Contact the author of this post at Jessica.Wakeman@Gmail.com. Follow me on Twitter.

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