Illustration: Napkin Killa

It would be cruel to break up before the holidays… so say it with gifts.

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Maurice Pialat’s We Won’t Grow Old Together DVD, $14.96


A wonderfully enjoyable way of saying, “I’m miserable and this is clearly not working.”

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Onepiece, $239

Wear or give this and it’ll be pretty clear you’re over it. The jumpsuit will also come in hand post-breakup.

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French Porcelain Tissue Holder, $30

For those who are thinking ahead.

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Nicolas Cage Pillow Case, $18.00

An frightening and easy way of saying, “We should be sleeping next to other people.”

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The David Foster Wallace Reader, $17.55

A little something to fill the mind and pass the time in your soon to be former significant other’s newly single New Year.

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FREDS at Barneys New York white and dark chocolate swirl popcorn, $12

For emotional eating.

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Patron All Alone 3 Month Club, $259

It’s actually called “Patron All Alone.” Your soon to be ex is going to want this. It’s the gift that’ll keep on giving… for three months.

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