Study Says Men and Women Both from Mars: BlackBook Debates This Claim
A revealing research study 15 years in the making dropped a bomb on the whole Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus thing yesterday. Turns out, men and women are basically the same, sexually speaking. Psychologists studying data dating back to 1993, found that“stereotypes about gender and sexuality provide a largely inflated view of gender differences in sexual attitudes and behaviors.” Or, gender differences are over-hyped. This rings true to me: I had always felt like a sexual deviate for enjoying some ‘manly’ things like porn and sex on regular basis. I decided to talk to my co-worker Foster Kamer about his own views, to fact check this study as it were. I’m not sure if we were able to prove that men and women are both from Mars, but we did come to an agreement on laundry and sex.
Grieve: How often do you think about sex per day. Including the idea of sex, not just the act. Kamer: Oh, god. I don’t know? Like, intentionally, probably at least once an hour or two. But that maybe lasts a millisecond or so, because there’s some other piece of information that’s inevitably a big womp-womp on my dick. How often do I think about myself having sex is a better question. And the answer is obviously “not enough,” because I am someone whose “doctor’s orders” are more often than not “GO GET LAID.” Grieve: I probably think about sex every 3 hours or so. Kamer: So wait.You’re sitting there thinking about getting your fuck on every three hours? GIRL.
Conclusion 2: “Men have evolved to desire multiple sex partners because it increases their odds of passing their genes down to the next generation,” whereas women “have evolved to disapprove of casual sex because it may yield fathers who do not provide for them and their children.”
Grieve: I’m sort of a sexual person by nature, just one whose moral inclinations get in the way of acting upon the thoughts. So my only trouble is finding a willing, longterm partner, which is why relationships are a beautiful thing for me. Otherwise, it’s basically a desert of sexlessness. I’m not going to ask you about how many people you’ve slept with. How much do you have sex, with or without a partner, per week? Kamer: UGH. Not enough. I mean, I’m sure there’s a threshold for jerking off. I mean, I know there is. Three times a week? I work so much, I can’t even jack off enough. Seven days a week! I need a vacation, ideally so I could maybe even get laid, not just for jacking off, you know? That’d be a shame if I took a month away from work and just used it to jack off and catch up on my taxes and 30 Rock. Grieve: What about actual sex? Kamer: I recently turned down actual sex. My shrink told me that by turning down shameless sex I’m showing maturity. That doesn’t count, does it? Grieve: Congratulations, but: no. When was the last time you had sex? Kamer: A few months ago. Grieve: So the last time you had sex was in [redacted]? That’s not bad. Kamer: The last time I “BUSTED” with a girl? Sigh. It’s been too long. Early [redacted]. For fuck’s sake. I think this is more about me needing a vacation than anything else. Because it’s not like I’m having trouble getting laid. I’m having trouble finding and investing the time to do so. I barely have time to do laundry. A guy without clean laundry can’t worry about getting laid, you know? Laundry first. Grieve: There is a special hierarchy of needs, especially from a girls point of view. I want clean clothes hitting my bedroom floor. If nothing else, it’s appreciated. Depending on how drunk you are. Kamer: I mean, on my hierarchy of needs, very few things come before sex. Abraham Maslow would be proud. But clean laundry is one of those things. It goes something like: Health > Clean Laundry > Sex > Shelter > Food. Grieve: Have you felt the need to spread your seed? Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend? Kamer: Sigh, yeah. Google results, here we come. I’m quite ashamed of it, but more than willing to cop to it (see below). I was really an asshole for a long time, but I’ve since taken steps to correct this kind of thing. There’s a line from Rocket Science (the movie that Anna Kendrick broke out in, it was a Sundance movie) where the main character says “The fights you fight today are the fights you fight until you die.” There was some of this shitty unfaithfulness in my family growing up, and I think – to get very cerebral – that affected me in a really negative way. And it’s certainly not a compulsion for that kind of behavior so much as it is an unconscious acceptance, the way the possibility of consequence doesn’t register with criminals (which is part of what doesn’t stop them from committing crimes).
Conclusion 3: “Gender-based differences in sexual attitudes have sometimes been exaggerated in books and magazine articles popularizing evolutionary theory.” Petersen and Hyde argue that an “overemphasis on such distinctions may be problematic for both men and women.”
Grieve: I get that we’ve always been told that women are so different in their sexual needs. Men are hunters, women pretend they don’t want to be hunted and all of that. I was just at this brunch where this girl was talking about ‘the rules’ and how she knew them because she grew up with boys. I’m like, STFU. Those rules are based on social stigmas. Books like Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and He’s Just Not That Into You seem to make the divide seem even wider. But I wonder if they looked at porn in this study? Does porn ever make you feel like you are inadequate? And what do you think the effect of that is? Kamer: I think traditional porn like the HARDCORE XXX SUPER BUTT EXTREME ASS SLAM TITTY FEST 7 doesn’t, and can’t, because that stuff is cartoony. Anybody who’s had sex enough knows this. The rise of amateur porn (and that kind of voyeurism) makes other people’s real sex very real, and that’s the kind of thing that could make people feel massively insecure. Because what guy doesn’t want a bigger dick at some point? Then again, what guy doesn’t want a bigger/better/cooler ________ at some point? Sexual insecurity, more than an unhealthy thing, is a dangerous thing. You’re talking about manhood, you’re talking about the way you measure up (literally and figuratively) in the most primal way possible. I have a theory that so much of the racism against black men by angry white men is subconsciously founded in the perception (whether true or not) that black guys have bigger dicks and more to offer in the kinesthetics department. So I’m of the view that the moral argument against porn is all wrong; we should be more concerned about the perceptions (and misconceptions) of sex it has to offer. But as long as you’re secure in your sexuality, porn can be a pretty decent thing. Grieve: Plus it can be just a form of role playing. Porn can be great fun, like you said, when it’s in perspective. Sometimes it’s fun to play a Jenna Jameson type knowing it’s all silly and cartoony. But I’m wondering how it shapes the collective consciousness for those who lack perspective. Kamer: Right! That’s what I mean about the lack of awareness and the effect on one’s security with their own sexuality. Another craven example of how this can go wrong: prejudice and hate crimes against gay men by straight men are — I think, and I’m positive it’s been proven — founded in the fact that gay men make insecure, angry straight men feel insecure (subconsciously or otherwise) about their sexuality, so they lash out, in the most disgusting and ignorant way possible.
Conclusion 4: Size does matter.
Grieve: I’m on the fence about size mattering. A size that’s a medical term matters. A size that brings to mind horses matters. But otherwise I’m not sure if I’m buying the size issue. Kamer: You’re asking me? I’ve never had to deal with anyone’s dick but my own. Grieve: This isn’t a loaded question. Okay, it may be. Yes or no? Kamer: Fine: NO. So either I have a MONSTAH COCK and don’t know how to use it, or I’m not John Holmes but I’ve done pretty well for myself. Or I’m talking about putting a MONSTAH COCK in a MASON JAR VAGINA. Use your imagination, but not too much of it. Either way, I’m doing okay.