Links: Taylor Lautner Becomes a Man, Cats vs. Snow, Unclean Balls

● It’s Taylor Lautner’s 18th Birthday! Time to celebrate the hunky man-meat boy Taylor Swift dumped, who is both now single and old enough to buy porn. And maybe cigarettes! The questionably tan object of affection for swooning and gaydar-unequipped teenage girls everywhere is currently being fought over by movie studios duking it out over who gets to make the next movie of Lautner doing backflips and roundhouse kicks and fancy gymnastics moves. [Videogum and Deadline Hollywood Daily] ● Like Alka Seltzer and Birds, Mentos and Pepsi, and Pop Rocks and Oral Sex, Cats and Snow have no business being together other than to the satisfy sadistic human impulse of bizarre “What if?” physical experimentation. But seeing as how there’s not much else to do on a snow day besides throw your cat in snow, a bunch of people did, and put it on YouTube. [The Awl] ● Why read a blog post when you can sing it? Spider Man’s next movie is gonna be in your face and in 3-D and sans Tobey Maguire. Dave Itzkoff at the New York Times wrote a song about the news as his post on it, to the original Spider Man theme song. [ArtsBeat]

● You know what’s magic about pizza? Unless you got it from the Mellow Mushroom, absolutely nothing. Until a bunch of magical wunderkinds are eating it. On that note, presenting: a picture of the Harry, Ron, and Hermione, eating pizza. The most delicious and magical pizza in the world. Obviously. [People with Pizza] ● Axe ascends to new levels of suck as they advertise their douche-scrub with an attempted viral “Wash Your Balls” campaign. People who sincerely enjoyed Jersey Shore because they identified with the characters will inevitably send it to their loved ones, ideally pre-empting a laugh that they’ll probably get. [YouTube] ● Google’s threatening to shut down Mp3 blogsusing Blogspot, which includes seminal sources for good music Gorilla vs. Bear, who are scared their life’s work of making music other people pay for free with their words attached to it is going to go the way of the Buffalo. [Guardian UK]

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