Being Lady Gaga’s Assistant Sounds Like the Worst Job in the World

I can’t think of a job I’d like less than being Lady Gaga’s assistant. First of all, good lord, the emails would just be insane, probably typed out in Wingdings and full of Illuminati references. And can you imagine carrying the clothes around? The meat dress! No thank you, Gaga. Plus, I’m pretty much against the concept of personal assistants in general, especially for 26-year-olds, but I suppose you get easily distracted from your correspondance and dry cleaning when you’re a world-touring pop star. 

And at least one of Gaga’s former assistants regrets accepting the position: Jennifer O’Neill, who is currently suing the singer for $393,000 in owed pay and damages, was gloriously trashed by Gaga during a deposition for the case. The New York Post obtained the transcript, and it is amazing. To wit:

“You don’t get a schedule that is like you punch in and you can play f–king Tetris at your desk for four hours and then you punch out at the end of the day. This is — when I need you, you’re available.”

Gaga said she appreciates that “an eight-hour workday could still be a very difficult workday, you know, if you’re digging ditches or, you know, you’re, you know, putting sealing on a roof, you know.”

“I’m not in any way discounting how hard an eight-hour work day can be, or discounting the role of an assistant.”

But she also noted, “I do six shows a week, and I make a lot of money. I work, I work 24 hours a day. I’m not standing next to Steve holding tea, waiting for him to take a sip, that is not what I do,” Gaga said.

“Not that people who do that don’t deserve their hourly pay, but I’m just pointing out that I deserve everything I’ve worked for. I deserve every dollar of it. And she deserves every dollar of her $75,000 that we agreed to. But she does not deserve a penny more.”

Rather than paying off O’Neill, Gaga said, “I’m going to give all the money that she wants to my employees that work hard for me now that deserve it.

“I’m not going to give it to her so she can go to Intermix and buy herself a new tube top,” the snippy superstar groused.

First of all, 75 grand does not sound like enough money for that job. I suppose some might be attracted to the idea of partying all night in Paris with Terry Richardson, but I just think that sounds messy. You’d basically have to carry a lot of OxiClean around with you if you plan on running into Terry Richardson. But I gotta give it to Gaga for basically doing what I’ve always dreamed of: gloriously shit-talking an old coworker, and under oath no less! 

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