Movies Opening This Weekend, In Order of How Much We Love Their Trailers

Some people judge a movie based on reviews, other will go see something just because it features a favorite actor. Here, we’re judging this weekend’s offerings based solely on what we see in the trailers and ranking them accordingly.

Virginia: This Dustin Lance Black-penned family flick looks to have plenty of black humor and oddball antics, though there’s surely a heart of gold somewhere. High points for creative use of Jennifer Connelly, though, and the deployment of gorilla masks. This is the trailer to top this week.

Hysteria: Beneath the frilly costumes and Maggie Gyllenhaal’s admirable attempt to pull off a British accent, this is a movie about vibrators and that seems hilarious. Now we’re not sure that a feature-length film about the antics of a doctor whose only job is to fingerblast nervous patients into a happy haze will work, but for two minutes of trailer, it’s a great idea.

Mansome: A documentary on male grooming from Morgan Spurlock, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman, this movie looks very promising based solely on the trailer. We’ve got celebrities talking about body hair, we’ve got extreme modifications and we’ve got the always-moronic musings of Adam Corolla, all of which add up to be an enlightening, weird and exceedingly metrosexual good time.

American Animal: A sick guy on a bender is betrayed by his roommate who… got a job? The premise isn’t quite clear from the trailer, however this SXSW-approved indie looks like a hell of a lot of oddball fun.

Battleship: Taylor Kitsch, Rihanna and Aleksander Skarsgard are on a navy ship when some aliens come knocking… No it’s not a bad joke, it’s an action movie. And despite what the reviews are saying, the trailer manages to deliver some kind of Top Gun meets War of the Worlds excitement that would convince us to see this on.

Beyond The Black Rainbow: No doubt the spookiest trailer for a film opening this week, this look at indie sci-fi joint Beyond The Black Rainbow is weird and exciting to watch but leaves us with no clue about what to expect and even less of an idea why we should part with our time and money to see it.

What To Expect When You’re Expecting: Ladies having babies and going crazy! We’re sure there are some folks out there for whom this is a very exciting film. We are not those people.

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