The Victoria Secret Fashion Show and P.Diddy’s 40th as Gleaned From Russell Simmons’s Tw

We first learn of the nightly whereabouts of music’s worst dressed impresario Russell Simmons at 6pm last night from the front row of the Victoria Secret Fashion Show. “Maybe I should take pics?” would end up being the underquestion of the evening as Simmons provides us with a cascade of twitpics featuring the most beautiful and batshit insane women in the world. Gloria Steinem once said that there are two kinds of people in this world, those who say that there are two kinds of people in this world and those who do not. I’ve always dug that maxim sumtin’ awful, but I’m going to forget I ever heard that and say that there are two kinds of people in this world, those who know the names of models and those who do not. I fall into the latter camp, but who cares. MODELS! BANGS! WILL.I.AM!

After going around the room with the likes of Jessica White, Doug Morris and Richard Branson (who “looks verrrrry excited”) Simmons informs us how happy and fine and cool people are by tacking on the word “ass.” His intern is “happy ass” as he poses in a scarf with Lily Alderson, Will.I.Am is a “cool ass” and Fergie is so “fine ass” that Simmons is briefly upset that he gots a girl and she’s married. At 11pm we’re off to the birthday party of the most quotable man in the entire world: P.Diddy. As The Macaroni With The Cheese once told me “work yo handsome.” “If you in a suit,” he continued, “if you in jeans, doesn’t matter, work…yo…handsome, dog.” Work it I do, puff. I work it everyday. It also looks as if Simmons did just that as well with my ideal threesome partners, whip-fine Marissa Miller and sexy sheep-keeping stallion Martha Stewart. At about 1am the fifty three year old Godfather of Hip Hop called it a night: “What a night. Funny I took all those pics and there was plastic in phone up till puffs party :-).” Hilarious.

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