Simon Cowell Preparing for World Domination
I don’t believe in the devil per se, but I think a pretty good case could be made for his earthly incarnation being none other than American Idol’s prickly mastermind Simon Cowell. Unencumbered by the traditional pointy tail and pitchfork, he’s handsome, glib, narcissistic, and so demonically successful that it’s downright impossible not to imagine there being something supernatural afoot. What’s more, it’s clear that he’s bent on world domination. Now that his …Got Talent franchise is airing in some 80 countries, Cowell has announced that he’s ready to produce an international version.
According to Deadline Hollywood, the show will reach a global audience of some 300 million viewers and offer £1 million to the winner. Contestants are to be drawn from all of the program’s world franchises and the sing-a-thon will be held at London’s Royal Albert Hall. Unlike previous versions of …Got Talent, belters won’t have to submit to a humiliating panel of industry judges. Instead, TV audiences voting from home will have the last word. “It’s like coming out of the [soccer] Premiership into the Champions League,” Cowell said, adding that he was “excited.”
This last comment, of course, may already have closed out the competition for understatement of the year. Cowell’s amassed a fortune in excess of £165 million and looks suavely poised to enrich himself further with this new venture. I’m pretty sure that if you shaved his head you’d find three tiny sixes.