Attention, hipsters. There is a new revolting beverage for you to ironically swill: Red Bicyclette wine. Confused? The New York Times is reporting that a dozen French wine makers have been disciplined after illegally providing an American import firm with mislabeled “Pinot Noir” wines. Over the course of three years, around 3.6 million gallons of incorrectly labeled wine was sold to E. & J. Gallo, an American trader, all of which was used for Gallo’s Red Bicyclette line of wines. The wine makers are being forced to pay hundreds of thousands of euros in damages. The hilarious kicker? E. & J. Gallo received no complaints from Americans over the mislabeled wine. HAHA! Oh man, so funny! We are all tasteless slobs! Tee-hee! Let’s all throw ironic Red Bicyclette parties, guys!

Seriously, if you’re a professional investor, I recommend that you take any free capital you have lying around and just buy up as much Red Bicyclette wine as you can. The hipsters who reinvigorated Pabst Blue Ribbon with their unapologetically ironic guzzling of that terrible “beverage” are about to descend on this brand like a plague of insufferable locusts.

Charming. But, things could be worse (or, better, depending on your outlook). From The Guardian article on the wine scandal:

Ultimately, though, nothing will ever compare to the taste of the Bolivian “wine” discovered by customs officials in Bulgaria last year. The content of the bottles? Liquid cocaine.

If hipsters started swigging liquid cocaine, I’d have to hurl myself off the Queensboro bridge.