March 1: On his 17th birthday, Justin Bieber drinks coke and blows candles. To celebrate her 24th, Ke$ha drinks candles and blows coke. March 4: Matt Damon and Emily Blunt star in the sci-fi thriller The Adjustment Bureau, a project that was long delayed due to slight changes. March 8: Despite a four-year hiatus, Avril Lavigne proves her knack for rhyming is still intact, when her fourth album, Goodbye Lullaby, is released today.

March 11: My, what big eyes she has: Amanda Seyfried gets her lupine on in director Catherine Hardwicke’s Red Riding Hood. March 12: The Strokes give Las Vegas some much-needed credibility when they play The Chelsea at the Cosmopolitan hotel. March 15: …So long, cred! Titanic cheeseball Celine Dion returns to Caesars Palace for a three-year stint in Sin City. March 18: Get your dancing brood together to, you know, dance and brood, when Crystal Castles play Terminal 5 in New York. March 19: “Forgotten promises,” British art star Damien Hirst’s exhibition at the Gagosian in Hong Kong, ends its run today. Or at least it promised it would. March 20: Chloë Sevigny’s five-year swim down the mainstream ends—without her giving disappointed costar Bill Paxton “The Vincent Gallo Treatment”—when HBO’s Big Love airs its final episode. March 23: Jodie Foster unveils The Beaver today, and Mel Gibson puts his hand inside it. Yeah, we said it. March 25: Sucker Punch, Zack Snyder’s CGI-infested, videogame-inspired epic about lollipops and fruit drinks, opens today. March 27: Kate Winslet stars in the HBO miniseries Mildred Pierce, also known as How to Win an Emmy in Five Parts. March 28: Lady Gaga continues flogging her old album, less than two months before her new one is released, when The Monster Ball tour rolls into LA’s Staples Center—again.