● Though we’ve heard before that Paris Hilton may use her private parts to hide drugs, never have we heard the story in such detail and with Girls Gone Wild‘s Joe Francis as Hilton’s co-star. [Gawker] ● A former Britney Spears bodyguard claims he was sexually harassed by the singer, that she exposed herself and yelled at him for taking too long with her Slurpee. Really. [AP] ● Who is the greatest diva of the last quarter century: Whitney, Mariah, Mary J? Gaga?! [The Awl]

● Spencer Pratt insisted that divorce is difficult and he needed to do some soul-searching in an apology to his soon-to-be ex-wife Heidi Montag. But instead of telling her, he told a national magazine, which may be part of the problem. [People] ● Rich Cronin, he of “Chinese food makes me sick” LFO fame, has passed away at age 35 after a long battle with lukemia. [TMZ]

● Kiefer Sutherland had a rough night at a bar; Dilbert had a tough day at work. [Page Six]