● Mo’Nique rocked her version of the “playoff beard,” showing off her unshaven legs on the red carpet at the Golden Globes. [TMZ] ● Someone auto-tuned a Martin Luther King Jr. speech because the internet is a wonderful and horrifying place. [Buzzfeed] ● A 70-year-old man was sentenced to two years in prison after being caught crossing the border from Canada to the United States with 40,000 ecstasy pills, or as he called it, the real man’s Viagra. [Daily Weekly]

● Perhaps the last four years of Mischa Barton’s career can be understood as prep for a forthcoming episode of Law & Order: SVU, in which she plays a prostitute named Gladys. [ONTD] ● A 10-year-old hit Prince William in the testicles with a rugby ball, allowing the internet to overdose on “family jewels” jokes. [People] ● Barack Obama threw a surprise 46th birthday party for his wife Michelle at an organic restaurant in D.C., sacrificing approximately 3 approval rating points in the process. How could he not tell her?! [Fox News]