Lindsay Lohan Twitters Just Like We Facebook

When my BFFL broke up with her man in college, she first played the whole I’m fine game by posting inspirational Facebook updates. When she was past fine, she had to show she was really, really fine — or as some might enunciate: fooo-iiiiiine. This was strategically done by taking those half-naked shots in the bathroom mirror, paired with other half-naked photos of her glowing at a club surrounded by other half-naked girls and maybe a few of her ex’s pals just to be sure the ex would see them when the friends were inevitably tagged. Lo, the convenience of modern technology. So, what is a celebrity to do when the whole world is your Facebook, and you’ve just been dumped for the second time by your beau? Well, if you’re Lindsay Lohan, you simultaneously prove you’re fine, and you’re fooo-iiiiiine by posting a super-hot topless shot in the bathroom mirror to your Twitter … for Perez, me, and all the world to see.

Last night, after Sam Ronson ended communication with the alleged jewel thief while having dinner with Lohan’s nemesis Nicole Richie at LA’s Izaka-ya, Lilo took a deep breath, looked in the mirror — admiring her freshly finished face for her Fornarina commercial shoot — and did what any drama queen would do. She bared her chest for the world to see, sending the classic I’m so over you pose straight to Twitter, for immediate gratification.

Blech. I guess that’s one of the problems with breaking up in a world full of instant gratification. You get in a fight with your bestie, you blog about it, release some of that pent up frustration, maybe share a secret or two you probably shouldn’t be sharing, only to take it down a few hours later. No harm done, except the fact that a few people have already read it, know your best pal’s secret, and will probably share it with a few other friends. I would even go as far as saying that my college friend who flitted around flaunting her fine-ness shared in the general idiocy because she wasn’t healing herself — she was trying — emphasis on trying — to wound someone who previously hurt her. Vengeful, hurt, and flailing, our biological response to such stress is no longer flight or fight; rather, our primitive urges now take advantage of an advanced technological overshare.

Consider this evolutionary stress mechanism and couple it with celebrity, and you’ve got foolishness squared. While our own personal connections don’t usually go past that professor we friended on Facebook, Linds has a web of connections whether she wants them or not. Not only have all of her pals witnessed her look at how fine I am photos and judged them according to how they know her, blogs have picked up the photo, and like me, have made lengthy assumptions (she is so not fine) adding fuel to her trainwreck fire. While it pains me to participate in this pointless pop-culture Days of Our Lives, I think Lindsay, like my heartbroken college friend, should have taken a deep breath, looked in the mirror, and stopped at admiring her freshly finished face. They both would’ve looked a lot better for it.

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