Alright kids. Take a deep breath. The end of this runaway train is near! Kelly Clarkson, who recently had a best-dressed moment for a change, is nonplussed, perhaps even chuffed, that a certain large pink alien identified by its CIA tracking number to be an Area 51 escapee, ended up with a bruised eye. Says Clarkson about the love quarrel, “I’ve got to be honest with you, he’s going to get a lot of flowers. I’m not talking about Perez — I mean the manager.”

Other quotables include “No one deserves to be punched in the face but it’s expected. I’m surprised it hasn’t happened already. I hear that he’s mean to celebrities’ kids,” and “You’re hurtful to children, no one’s going to pity you. I don’t think anyone should be punched and I’m not about violence but I see why someone would do it.” Oh Kelly, if only you knew about the bloodsport involved in reading Lolita, or even Confessions of a Shopaholic in Tehran.