So, Jared Leto’s band 30 Seconds to Mars (also known as “Jared Leto’s Band”) has covered Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance,” and if you can listen to the whole thing without wincing in pain, you’re a stronger person than us. Hell, kudos if you can just listen to the whole thing. It’s like the sonic equivalent of that scene in Goonies where the kid’s hand is held over the blender pureed with a broken time machine and a rancid dash of 90s nostalgia.

Jared Leto is a good thing. Well, really, Jordan Catalano was a good thing, a very good thing, and his magical fairy dust has remained on Leto decades later…until now. Leto sings Gaga as is he were Kurt Cobain’s annoying, tweaky younger brother. It makes listening to the song a total mindfuck. You’re like it’s the 90s, it’s 2010, it’s the 90s, it’s the 2010, and Leto just keeps slowly croaking on. This is post modernism gone awry.

And then, there’s Gaga. Loveable, crazy Gaga. Maybe we’ve just been to the gym hungover one too man times with “Bad Romance” blaring in the background, but it’s not really our top pick of her songs to cover. And, it doesn’t help that Leto tried to make it an earnest love song. Without Gaga layers of irony and her uptempo beats, it’s pretty intolerable (this is probably true of many of her songs, best to remain oblivious). Leto projectile vomits “caught in a bad romance,” but really, we’re just caught in a really bad song here…a really bad song that goes on for nearly five minutes. Help…