It’s Time for a Canadian Pope
No word on whether Pope Benedict XVI will keep his Twitter account going when he officially steps down at the end of this month, but all in all we seem to have heard the last from this weirdo. Let the reign of an entirely new weirdo begin! May I suggest a Canadian one?
Specifically, Cardinal Marc Ouellet of Quebec, considered by betting houses to be a number two pick for papal succession, behind Cardinal Peter Turkson of Ghana, who would be the first black pope and therefore probably known here in the states as Pope Obama. Let’s get real, though: the Vatican only recently acknowledged heliocentricity—it’ll be a while before they get to the existence of non-Caucasians.
We do, however, have the opportunity to shift the seat of Catholic power westward. As pope, Ouellet could teach the world “aboot” Christ’s love, organize the Holy See’s ragtag hockey team, make moose chili for church potluck dinners and give up poutine for Lent. It’s high time someone ran this religion like the extra-bigoted branch of the Boy Scouts it is, don’t you think?
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