How Are We Surviving Hurricane Sandy?

My family is crazy and can’t say no to a good deal, so every summer I went on vacation in the Outer Banks the week before Labor Day—otherwise known as knee-deep in hurricane season. You see, that’s the week where rentals are much cheaper than the rest of the summer. Naturally, we evacuated from the resort town twice, and there were a couple of years where we spent our days bored out of our wits as tropical storm-strength winds blew around outside. (We saw a lot of movies and went bowling.) Even last year my vacation was cut short, and I spent four days in my mother’s house in Virginia playing Uno in the dark as Hurricane Irene raged on outside. (I won four games in a row, though.) This is my first hurricane in Brooklyn, though, and it turns out they aren’t so different up here. What am I going to be doing for the next two days? Here’s a quick run-down of my plans.

1. Trying not to eat all of my food. I’m afraid to report that the Wheat Thins I expected to last me throughout this entire mess were gone in less time than I spent in line buying them. 

2. Getting drunk. It turns out my local grocery store started carrying 312, which happens to be my favorite beer from when I lived in Chicago. I bought a lot of it. 

3. Reading Anna Karenina. I’m very literary and smart. Nobody spoil this one for me; I have about 600 pages to go.

4. Watching Netflix. Look, I’m ready for all of you to get off my ass about having not seen Friday Night Lights or Breaking Bad, but I have a feeling I’ll just re-watch Reno 911

5. Ignoring my mother’s hurricane preparation reminders. I was mature and did not respond to her text with, "Jesus, mother, I am 29 years old, I know how to do this," and instead wrote, "Please stop worrying and enjoy your vacation, I love you," because of course she is freaking out about this hurricane while she is on a cruise in Hawaii.

6. Lamenting the fact that I did not buy that roll of chocolate chip cookie dough. You know what would be delicious right now? Eating that shit with a spoon. Alas, I am 29 years old.

7. Ignoring everyone on Twitter. Seriously, how many Frankenstorm jokes can you people make?

8. Watching my boyfriend sleep all day. Because apparently he’s too tired from working an all-nighter to "entertain" me. 

9. Working on my novel. Hahahahahaha, just kidding.

10. Taking pictures of the cat. Sorry, Instagram followers, but my roommate’s cat is FREAKING OUT and I am, therefore, taking full advantage of this.

Follow Tyler Coates on Twitter.

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