Free Super Bowl Advice for Budweiser: Bring Your Own Bavaria Beer Babes

Remember the 2010 FIFA World Cup? My heart is still pounding from all the exciting tie games, fake injuries, and referee fuck-ups. Do I really have to wait another three years to witness football of that caliber again? Thankfully not, as there is a Super Bowl of football planned for this coming Sunday in Dallas, Texas. Granted, this match represents American-style football, but how different could that be from the Worldly kind? Surely both contenders will play with a similar fear of being scored upon, thus devoting their energy to complex defenses that are so fascinating for intelligent and cultured fans to watch that we’d never think to suggest a minor rule change to encourage even more action. There’s no way we could handle it.

But while we’re taking inspiration from the classier 95% of the planet, let’s be sure to repeat the single most interesting thing that happened during last year’s World Cup, the invasion of the Bavaria Beer Babes. You may recall how 36 smoking hot female fans wearing identical orange dresses were escorted from the stands at the Netherlands v. Denmark match because they were part of an ambush marketing campaign for Bavaria Beer, thus representing a grave threat to official sponsor Budweiser, a large Belgian-owned malt beverage company that paid handsomely for the right to advertise to fans. And yet, for obvious reasons, the stunt garnered plenty of media attention, with Bavaria stifling laughter as they forked over their undisclosed settlement and headed back to the good life in Amsterdam.

Well, Bud’s the exclusive beer advertiser for this year’s Super Bowl as well, and will be through 2014, so I have little doubt they’ll have copyright cops watching the stadium entrances very closely for those attempting a similar stunt. (“Think you can keep an eye out for groups of hot girls, Lou?”) My advice: beat Bavaria at its own game. Dress up four score Budweiser babes in similarly snug red-and-white dresses and populate the stands with an unmissable cheering section amid the thousands of real fans from Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and the rest of the Rust Belt. Even if it lacks the renegade element of a South Africa-style ambush, it would still attract plenty of eyeballs.

The only risk would be something interesting happening on the field of play, diverting attention from the stands. I believe that’s a risk we should be prepared to take.

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