Frankenstein Baked Brie: A Recipe & Party from Broke-Ass Stuart

If you’ve been around town lately, you’ve noticed the crowds are coming back and the Great Recession seems to be receding. The job report is bleak, though. New York City unemployment is still a scary 10.3%. There’s plenty of downturn left to endure. Which means business is booming for Stuart Schuffman, a.k.a. Broke-Ass Stuart. Schuffman has penned a pair of salty, irreverent guidebooks, covering life on the cheap in New York and San Francisco, and he runs a website that delves into cheap eats, drinks, shopping, and sex. The last time our economy was in shambles like this, FDR told us “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Broke-Ass Stuart puts it more succinctly: “Fuck the Recession.” This Thursday, October 8, at Rebel, Schuffman will be doing his part to counter GDP angst with a night of live music, flame dancing, and clown burlesque, among other attractions. It’s only $3 with RSVP, and it comes with free Sixpoint for as long as the beer lasts. For those on tighter budgets than three-buck covers, Schuffman shares some broke-ass thoughts on home entertaining after the jump.

Stuart Schuffman: When it comes to entertaining at home I’ve always been a potluck kind of guy. And by that I mean I’m lazy. Very lazy. When I was younger, the extent of my home entertaining was, “Alright dude, you buy a 40, I buy a 40, and then we can hang at my house, smoke a blunt, and play some motherfucking Grand Theft Auto.” Then at some point in college I started going to these regular Monday night food parties and I had the realization that if you told people that you were having a “potluck,” they would bring all kinds of food to your house. All you had to do was supply the house and maybe a case of cheap beer. That moment of epiphany led to me throwing plenty of “bring something to share” parties which always netted me plenty of leftovers to graze on for at least a couple days.

That was of course when I lived with my buddies and along with leftovers, the house was also left with a sticky kitchen floor for a few days after each party. I now live with my girlfriend. This means that besides having terribly uncomfortable pillows that make the couch look “sooo cute,” I also have to do more than just buy beer when we have company. Somehow along the way I’ve been conned into making salads, buffalo chicken dip, and even a cheesecake from scratch. Yeah, I’m pretty amazed myself. But hands down, the best and easiest thing to make for guests is something that my lady showed me.

Broke-Ass Stuart’s Girlfriend’s Frankenstein Baked Brie 1. Buy a Pillsbury crescent roll, some Brie cheese, and some green apples. 2. Open the crescent roll, spread out the dough, and then spread the Brie on the dough. 3. Fold one side of the dough over the other so that the brie is wrapped up in the middle and then bake that fucker at 350˚ degrees until the outside is crispy and the inside is gooey. Should be like 15-20 minutes. 4. When you take it out, slice some apple wedges, cut up your baked brie Frankenstein creation, and eat the two together.

That’s it. Super-easy, right? I’m sure I could’ve explained it better, but it’s pretty hard to fuck up. Plus, I’d much rather be drinking 40s and playing video games anyways.

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