Exposing the Man Who Was Too Horny to Fly

Snake on a plane! A Delaware man was arrested for doing it with himself on a Southwest Airlines flight from Philly to Denver. The Smoking Gun obtained an criminal complaint alleging that 34-year-old computer programmer Murali Nookella was fiddling around in his underwear beneath a blanket pulled up to his waist. The unnamed woman seated next to him said his eyes were closed, when she began to see movement under the blanket. When she got up to change seats, she saw him holding his erect penis.

She also described hearing a “swishing” sound and thought she saw him “wipe” something with a napkin. Hey lady, the last time a passenger was seen playing with himself under a blanket, he nearly brought down a jet. But those passengers took action. They beat him down. All you did was try and change seats. (Granted, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab had to light his testicles on fire first.) But it’s people like you that could have prevented 9/11. If you see something, say something!

For our part, we were curious to see what kind of seemingly ordinary man would commit an act of biological terrorism aboard an airplane. Call it exposing the exposer. Plus, how many Murali Nookellas can there be? So we googled him, and what we found was a Linkedin profile of a guy in the computer biz, from the Greater Philadelphia Area (you’ll recall the flight originated in Philadelphia). That’s his photo up top. The only clue his profile gives us is that he spends a lot of time in front of the computer. (he’s trained by SAP in SAP-APO DP and SNP Modules!) This probably means two things: He’s addicted to porn (aka masturbation) and his social radar has been devastated by a life spent interacting with binary digits. Yeah, it’s definitely him. And if it isn’t, then to this other Murali Nookella, uh, we’re sorry?

Update: It was the wrong picture after all. As we said above, sorry!

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