Drink Bavaria, the New Official Beer of the 2010 FIFA World Cup

Who could have imagined it would be this easy? All Dutch brewer Bavaria needed to do to win the 2010 World Cup of Beer in South Africa was stuff 36 sexy blonde babes into snug orange dresses and place them in the stands at the Netherlands vs. Denmark match last Monday, and FIFA would take care of the rest. As we reported last week, the women were part of an alleged ambush marketing stunt for Bavaria, and while their intentions seemed clear enough, the only smoking gun in the case was the existence of their smoking hot bodies. They weren’t holding up Bavaria signs, they weren’t chanting Bavaria slogans, and no Bavaria logos were visible on their dresses unless you stood pervishly close to them. Still, their sexiness alone was enough for 40 security guards to escort them out of the stands during the second half, creating an international incident that garnered more publicity for Bavaria than they could have ever gained as paying sponsors. As news came today that charges against the two Dutch ringleaders were settled, howls of ecstasy echoed from Johannesburg to Amsterdam and back again.

FIFA officials probably have cartoon steam coming out of their ears right now over this. After all, they were technically in the right to put an end to the Bavaria stunt, since it did represent a threat to its big-spending sponsor, Budweiser. But it seems FIFA sought the sage counsel of Malian ref Koman Coulibaly before giving the women the collective red card, because anybody with a scintilla of sense could see that there’s no way to win against such a formidable group. You don’t talk back to Grandma, you don’t argue with a bum, and you don’t ever, ever, under any circumstances, kick three dozen beautiful women out of a party, because … for the love of God, did you see those girls?

Yet, that’s what happened in Johannesburg, where business is about rules, not relationships. I can imagine what the interrogation was like down at police headquarters. “So, you girls ever see the wildebeest migration? I’ve got a cabin out in the veld.” Until this morning, Barbara Castelein and Mirthe Nieuwpoort stood accused of unauthorized use of a trademark at a protected event and entry into a designated area while in possession of a prohibited commercial object. Now free and in possession of their passports, they’ll likely return to Holland to resume their lives of hotness, while everybody else can enjoy the rest of the games with whichever beer comes to mind when one thinks of the World Cup and its fans. Its lithe, toned, alluring, effervescent fans.

Following its settlement, Bavaria agreed to make no further comments on the matter, but if they could harness the power of smirks, they’d never need to pay another electric bill. And there’s still one more angle to the story: the fashion angle. You can buy the infamous orange “DutchDress” from Bavaria’s website. Lord knows they look great, and boy do they grab attention.

For my part, I can’t even remember who won that game. I’ll just assume it was another tie, and all the action was in the stands.

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