Dear Uncle Steve: Relationship Advice From Steve Lewis & A Girl

Dear Uncle Steve: I wouldn’t say that I have a problem, I say that it’s a “fetish”. I love womens feet. I’m part of an underground club of men who share the same fixation and we meet monthly with hired foot models to celebrate our unified interest. I just started dating a girl whom I met at the beach (she has beautiful, proportionate feet). She’s really traditional and our sex has been just so-so, because I’ve been trying with all my might to hide my urge to lavish her feet and tell her how much I love them. I don’t think she’d respond well. Is it a deal breaker that I’m afraid I’ll lose her if I reveal myself?

Sincerely, Playing Footsie

Dear Playing Footsie: Your foot fetish fraternity is a wonderful outlet for your hidden desires. To you and your buddies it’s all normal, good ol’ American fun. However as you correctly surmised, not everyone out there will embrace your “special needs”. You guys know this because you hire women to “accomo-date”. There are many women who do get turned on by a good toe licking. I had a girlfriend who required my devotion to her gams and feet and I obliged her enthusiastically because it was my pleasure to make her happy. I was turned on by how much she was turned on in the beginning, but after some months, I was indoctrinated into the fetish. Since leaving her, I haven’t felt this way again. I strongly believe in communication of sexual needs to the person you’re intimate with. It’s a perversion to keep your “perversions” to yourself. It’s a big lie. She has the right to know who she’s sleeping with and you gotta tell her what you want! She may surprise you with her inner desires. If you talk the talk and she walks the walk (or decides to walk out), you’re better off. Who knows, she may be dreaming of you playing with her feet …right before she shoves them up your butt.

xoxo, Uncle Steve

Advice from a girl: Fetishes freak me out. So, if I were about to get a double shot of the truth about my man’s sexual preferences, I’d want it slow. One gulp at a time. If she’s as traditional as you say, then feel her out before throwing “the foot talk” on her. Ask if you can give her a foot massage one night, and see if she digs it. Make it a super sensual foot massage, light some candles, let it lead to sex. I’d recommend NOT to tell her about your “foot-loving friends” gatherings. Most girls would either laugh at such an admission (thinking you’re kidding), or sprint to a therapist (thinking you’re a serial killer). Relationships are often about compromise, and perhaps you’ll need to tone the footsie frenzy down a notch to keep things “normal” with your gal.

Dear Uncle Steve: I’ve been dating a guy steadily for the past few months, and things have been going really well. However, last weekend we drove out to Connecticut to meet his family. I knew he was Jewish all along, but I didn’t know his family would be so displeased that I wasn’t. He seemed unfettered by their obvious disapproval of me. It even seemed like he kind of liked it. Is he using me for the “shiksappeal?”

Sincerely, Shaken Shiksa

Dear Shaken Shiksa: I don’t think you have anything to worry about. He seems like a sharp guy. Taking a woman home to one’s parental units is a big step. It’s what a respectful man does when he becomes serious about a woman. He clearly knows you’re a non-jew and he has made it clear to you that it doesn’t bother him at all. He knew the folks wouldn’t approve but he stood by you and showed them you were an important part of his life. He doesn’t live in Connecticut anymore. He doesn’t live with his parents. He does not live by their rules. I’m sure he was amused at how low his folks would go to show heir disapproval. As far as shiksappeal goes… if he likes you because he wants to get far away from the culture his parents sought to fetter him with, so be it. You can’t help what you’re born into, but being adult means choosing your own path and it seems he wants you there beside him.

xoxo, Uncle Steve

Advice from a girl: I can only imagine how awkward that trip out to Connecticut could have been. Meeting the rents is an emotionally-wrenching duty and a rather miserable encounter when they’re predisposed to dislike you. In the end, you can’t hold your problems with the Mr. and Mrs. against your man. Sure, if his parents are unusually cruel, let him know. But if not, you best man up and take it. In his mother’s eyes, you’re the immoral bitch taking her baby away. Show some compassion and put your best schiksa face forward. Let any snippy comments from his parents fall by the wayside and share them for amusement at your next Protestant family get-together in Cape Cod.

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