Classic Rich People: Paying For Hair From Dead People

I don’t care what you say your reasons are: if you are a collector of what The New York Times calls “historical hair,” spending literally thousands of dollars at auctions for memorabilia that grew from the heads of war heroes and classical composers, you are trying to carry out a fetish game of some sort. Admit it.

Especially when you consider the actual people whose hair it was, and the methods by which said hair was obtained—a “snippet” from Edgar Allan Poe “that a Poe cousin obtained by leaning into the writer’s coffin”—you’re dealing with some series voodoo shit right here. I’m freaked out at the thought of handling “a single mustache hair pulled from John Dillinger’s death mask.” Jesus, have these hobbyists ever seen a horror movie?

You can get right the hell out of here with that bad juju. Go invoke the dead spirit of George Washington in a séance if you want, but you’re not allowed to complain when he reincarnates as a vengeful, axe-wielding demon general. If you ask me, however, there’s got to be a cheaper way to get yourself cursed.

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