Archaeologists Uncover (And Disturb The Ghosts Of) A Sunken Medieval Boat

Researchers in Hungary were very excited to announce today the discovery of an “intact medieval shipwreck” in the choppy and clouded Danube River. This short period of elation will of course be followed up with a prolonged haunting at the invisible hands of those souls who perished aboard the vessel in the accident that likely sank it.

"River navigation was dangerous. Downstream cargo ships floated using large rudder-oars, which made maneuvering very hard. Accidents happened very often," [associate of the National Office of Cultural Heritage Attila J.] Tóth said.

[A] a medieval pot was found next to a floor timber, inside the wreck.

"We believe that the entire cargo could be preserved under the pebble-shoal," Tóth said.

Dear god, the entire cargo? Preserved?! UNDER THE PEBBLE-SHOAL? It’s like dear old Attila never saw a horror movie before. Even if that medieval pot doesn’t contain an avenging spirit, whatever’s still underwater almost certainly carries a deadly curse. I don’t even know what we expect to learn from this centuries-old piece of junk, anyway: it clearly wasn’t seaworthy.

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