God Hates Fred Phelps And Twitter

Only the good die young; Fred Phelps was a very old man. Fred’s origination/cult, the Westboro Baptist Church — and their subtly named picket group God Hates Fags — maintain that God hates homosexuals above all other kinds of “sinners.” (Sounds like someone has got some issues.)

In 1989, Gramps (as he’s affectionately called by his followers), on his angry-man Don Quixote quest, began screaming, “Fag!” into the midday Topeka sun. Gramp’s first picket was against “All the fags having sex in the park.” (Gays, as you know, can only have sex in parks.) With the same commitment he instilled in his children during the ‘70s (when they reportedly were the family’s main source of income, selling candy door to door,) Gramps felt it was time to stand up against the scum and the filth. The first signs Gramps constructed (one letter at a time), simply read Gay Park and God Hates Gays. Immediately, students from the University of Kansas held counter-protests. This only enraged Gramps. As a vendetta, he came back with even larger and more elaborate signs; such gems as the plain indignant: It’s the Fags, Stupid! Needless to say, Gramps was a little homophobic. If irony would serve its just due desserts, Fred Phelps’ last words would’ve been: “I LOVE COCK! BIG BLACK COCK!”

His lifetime was a long drive down gay-hating crazy town; with Fred orchestrating family pickets the funerals of soldier’s funerals, AIDs patients, slain schoolchildren, and even the funeral of Ronnie James Dio.

But did you know that Fred’s group once picketed the offices of Twitter in San Francisco? It’s true — I was there. Apparently, God hates Twitter. (Would it help matters if Jesus turned 140 characters into 280 characters?) The Westboro Baptist Church crew, comprised of four women and one large, clunky dude, marched in front of the offices of Twitter. But San Francisco’s finest and funniest, who launched a counter-protest, were ready for them.

It was great to see San Francisco turn something into a funny circus out of the Fred Phelps, a man who brought a lot of people pain and anger.

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This man was stating the obvious. Perhaps the most controversial sign of the entire protest.

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God sure hates a lot of things these days. Does he hate ponies because gay people like to ride them? Or is it because tiny horses really tick him off?

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Google the word santorum and cringe. But in the case of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps, I think it’s true.

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Now this protester is right on target with his sign. The big question is, does God hate Facebook? (We all know he hates MySpace.)

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“Twitter only gets a half-hour of hate!” a confused protester exclaimed at the WBC’s sudden departure. “I guess Twitter really isn’t that gay.”

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