Who Are You Not Voting For Tomorrow?

New York’s primary day is tomorrow, pitting dozens of disgraced politicians against even more scandal-scarred incumbents and naïve upstarts bound to do something illegal their first week in office. There’s genuinely no one to root for here. So really the only question is: which one of these idiots will you be casting your vote against?

First up, you can go ahead and not vote for Eliot Spitzer for comptroller. Do you want to entrust your money to a guy who spent thousands of dollars on sex? No you do not. I mean, sex is free. We need someone with better business sense. On the Democratic mayoral primary side, we recommend not voting for Anthony Weiner, because he’s a pretty lackluster sexter, nor Christine Quinn, who is probably an exemplary sexter, but a lady mayor? This isn’t Europe, for god’s sake.
 
Don’t limit yourself to not voting for people who are actually on the ballot, either: for all the positions where I feel I can’t make an informed decision, I’m going to write in things like “anybody but Mitt Romney” or “for the love of god please just not my downstairs neighbor who complains that I walk too loudly.” After all, why should the field of candidates dictate your choice in this most sacred exercise of personal freedom? Now get out there and don’t make a difference.
 
Photo via The Pie Shops

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